I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
