I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
