He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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