There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm always down for nudity.
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