good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
