i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
