He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
