If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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