I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I AM VODKA MAN
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
