I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
