Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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