I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
