omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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