I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
