In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There r osticjed everywhere
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
