are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
