There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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