If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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