is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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