YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
