her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
