I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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