it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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