Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
