Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
