apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How does one acquire holy water?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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