If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
