he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize