just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
