I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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