dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
