I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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