Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
