Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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