We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
