She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
