Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
