Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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