Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Bring me that man meat
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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