Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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