you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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