I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
this will be a night to untag.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
