i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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