i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
