you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
