Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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