i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
