I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
