I puked a lego.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
