I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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