I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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