you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
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Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
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I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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