I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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