my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
foreskin is a definite game changer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
