When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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