You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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