so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
