Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
