Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
