I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
